Weekly Download Vol. IV No. 3

Stay Useless by Cloud Nothings (7.5)

File this under “Songs WD Has Listened to All Year” yet has never found a place to put them.

Cloud Nothings = Dylan Baldi, a twenty-year-old who recorded most of his early jams in his parents’ basement.  His album, Attack on Memory, was the first one WD bought in 2012.  It’s punky and unreal, and in all ways sounds like a twenty-year-old recorded it in his parents’ basement.  Somehow it’s taken me this long to rec this amazing song and fairly killer album.

But these things write themselves sometimes…


Proof that baseball is both great and an incurable neurological disorder set forth in a minute by minute / inning by inning (kinda) account of last Saturday evening:

American League Championship Series – New York Yankees v. Detroit Tigers – Game 1


Game: Yankee Stadium, Bronx, New York.

WD: In-law’s home, middle of nowhere, south of Tulsa, Oklahoma


Bronx: 50,000-ish petulent and entitled Yankee fans

Middle of nowhere, south of Tulsa: WD, Wife, The Bundesliga, Father-in-Law, and Mother-In-Law (N.B. 2/5 of those watched the game)


Yankee Stadium: Perfect night in the House that Ruth Built.  Big lefty on the mound;

WD: Residually drunk from OU/Texas bitch slap, ears still ringing from Friday’s Jack White Brilliance, sipping on Sam Adams’ Octoberfest.

7:07: First pitch

Bottom of first: Yankees fail to score a run with the bases loaded (A-Rod – weak grounder)

Bottom of the second: Yankees again fail to score a run with the bases loaded (Rob Cano – liner into a deuce)

Obama Commercial

(Awkward silence)

Bottom of the third: Yankees fail to score. (A-Rod – hits into a deuce)

(N.B. A-Rod’s salary for 2012 = $30,000,000.00; per game (167 through Saturday night) = $179,640.72; per inning ~ $19,960.07

Average teacher salary in the United States ~ $49,000.00 i.e. 2.5 innings of baseball for A-Rod.)

Viagra Commercial “erections lasting four hours or more…”

(Awkward Silence)

7:53 p.m Twitter via iPhone: @tmattsmith: Watching baseball w inlaws. More awkward: Viagra commercial or Obama commercial?

“I’m Barack Obama, and I approved this message”

Top of the sixth: Detroit scores two runs

Bottom of the sixth: Yankees, for the third time, fail to score a run with the bases loaded (three strike outs, incl. A-Rod)

9:03 p.m. @tmattsmith: I don’t even expect them to get hits with RISP (N.B. Runners In Scoring Position) anymore. 

Cialis Commercial, Obama Commercial back-to-back.  Would rather be sitting in their living room naked.

Top of the eighth: Detroit scores two more runs (4-0)

Bottom of the eighth: A-Rod pulled out of the game for being a gutless jack-wagon.  Yankees score zero runs.

Father-in-law goes to bed.

Top of the ninth: Detroit scores zero runs.  WD can’t figure out how to get in-law’s TV turned off, so he decides to watch the bottom of the ninth.

Bottom of the ninth: R Martin singles to center, I Suzuki homers to right, R Martin scores (4-2)(N.B. hmmmmmm),

M Teixeira walks;

10:34 p.m. R Ibanez homers to right (371 feet), M Teixeira scores(4-4) !!!

10:34 p.m. WD swallows a scream in the silent house.

10:35 p.m. @tmattsmith: Mother of God

10:36 p.m. Text from brother in law: R U Serious?

10:36 p.m. Text from LeeHed (with 3-day old son in lap): You live on the Yanks? (N.B. This is uber considerate sports fan code for first checking to make sure a fan of a particular team is watching a game live as opposed to DRVing it so as not to ruin the surprise of the monumental thing that just happened.  It’s a pleasure being your friend, Lee.  You’re an honorable man)

10: 37 p.m. Text from LeeHed: Trish (wife) put Graham (new baby boy) on my lap at the start of the 9th.  Maybe I should charge you for the good luck.  G G G-Unit.

10:37 p.m. Text from WD: Tell me where to send the check.

10:38 p.m. @tmattsmith:  The fucking mayor of New York. Wow #Ibanez

10:42 p.m. WD text to wife asleep upstairs with The ‘liga: Ibanez just did it again.  4-4 10th.

Wife’s response:

Bottom of the tenth: Yankees fail to score with a runner on third

Top of the twelfth: Tigers score two runs, as A-Rod sits in dugout and flirts with a bimbo sitting in the Hedge Fund Manager Seats right behind him.

Derek Sanderson Jeter, #2, Mr. November, The Captain breaks his ankle on an awkward dive for a ball up the middle (6-4).

WD = crestfallen (Stay Useless, A-Rod.)

I don’t have to tell you what happened in the bottom of the twelfth.


Post Script:

Yankees got their asses kicked this afternoon to lose the series to Detroit 4-0.  It was the first time they’d been swept in a seven game series since 1976.  A-Rod went 0-2 (N.B. and made just under $180,000.00)

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2 Responses to Weekly Download Vol. IV No. 3

  1. GSL says:

    Best word dork app ever.

  2. TMatt says:

    smashmouth… 🙂

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